It can get the better of me.


“What if?”

I have sat there with that question running through my head on many occasions. I have daydreamed about the life I “should have had” and mourned over the things I will never get to do.
I have drifted off to sleep imagining scenarios of the things I might be doing now if life hadn’t gone this way.It isn’t healthy and it doesn’t do me any good in the long run, but I can’t help it even so.

For the most part I’m happy with my life but there are points where I stuggle. I have months where I get ill and am rushed in and out of hospital numerous times. I’ll end up feeling exhausted mentally aswell as physically and ask myself “why do I have to do this? Why do I have to fight all the time?” It doesnt seem fair to have to struggle to do the simplest things, to spend most of my time in emergency rooms.

Then I have the good days, the days that make me see what I do it for. There are more of these days than there are the bad.  The life I “should have had” isn’t the life I’ve been given,but I’m strong enough to live the one I have been.

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I’ll always have my “what if?” moments I’m sure I’m not the only one.

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Image from we heart it

 

I’m writing this because I’ve been going through one of those months and I wanted to get this out and let you inside my head. It’s not always a happy place but I’m okay with that.

Daniella x x

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